Smith, Bernard.
Hello, my name is Bernard and I am to be
Catherine's guide, pilot, and companion for this 12 month trip around the globe
by motorcycle.
I have been on motorcycles for about 32 years
and if I say it really quick, it doesn't seem as long. It's funny how time
flashes past isn't it? 32 years on two wheels in the blink of an eye.
Recently
people have started to ask me various questions about what I do for a living
with the Royal National Institute of Blind People and so here we go in this
edited page which, originally, only dealt with motorcycle matters!
My main
role is to work with Liverpool Community College to ensure blind and
partially sighted students have everything they need (in a nutshell!)
I have been
a teacher for most of my life and when I started working for the RNIB this
meant having to learn a whole range of new skills to do my job - yes, including
learning Braille. I admit though that I cheat with the Braille and use my eyes
to read it. Unfair advantage I hear you shout but I own up to cheating! As part
of my role I proof read the Braille documents my team of RNIB staff produce for
learners. You may, or may not, be surprised to learn that not all blind people
use Braille (often people assume blind = Braille user). Often we produce large
print versions, audio tapes / CDs and electronic documents. We produce what the
student needs (in effect) including sighted guiding assistance along with
classroom support for their lessons. I fix problems in effect and try to ensure
that everything runs smoothly.
Bernard the
Motorcyclist
My very
first motorcycle was a CB250 Honda. The joys of your first motorcycle.
I felt so grown up and rebellious! My father
didn't want me to have a bike and so I convinced my - to be - father in law to
sign the dreaded Hire Purchase forms for me and off I went on 'my' bike.
The day I passed my test I nearly had my first
crash as I pulled away from the test station. I was so delighted I never
noticed that a very large wagon had stopped in front of me. Ooops!
As I was now a fully fledged 'biker' I burned
my 'L' plates and instantly moved onto a GT750 Ducati which I promptly crashed
four days later - spreading it all over the A55 by St. Asaph in North Wales.
My claim to fame is that the police had to
shut the A55 for a while as they picked up the bits. Catherine will be glad to
know it wasn't my fault. More importantly, I survived doing a Superman
impersonation by flying through the air at extremely high speed - No, I won't
tell you how fast although I think the Police may have lost interest by now!
After a short 'recuperation' - and once
the bike was rebuilt - I part-exchanged it.
I'm not sure about other motorcyclists, but
once you crash a bike it never feels quite secure ever again. Thus I said arrivaderci to the Italian stallion of the time and moved on.
For those of the motorcycling persuasion
you will recall the GT750 Suzuki, or 'kettle', as it was affectionately
called due to the fact it was one of the earliest water cooled production
motorcycles.
750cc of howling triple cylinder two-stroke.
My God did it howl if you had a Piper 3-1 exhaust on it!
I was to spend many happy years filling
streets with two stroke smoke although I didn't know it at the time! By this I
mean how long I would ride this bike for. I always knew about the smoke as my
wing mirrors were always full of it! I just never realised how long I would
spend on this - and the subsequent - bike.
The GT750 was fantastic in a straight line but
it did have a serious aversion to corners if I recall correctly! Perhaps it was
just me being of a nervous disposition?
After seizing it up (at 70mph) and locking the
back wheel after which I had to go and buy a whole new set of underwear. So it
was that this bike was part-exchanged for a Norton 850 Commando.
I gave this one up after skinning my knuckles
for a couple of years and having oil stained hands, eventually getting fed up
after one more leaking head-cylinder. The Triumph 750 Bonneville went with it
at the same time - yes, I owned two bikes at the same time, both British and
they both leaked oil. I used to have to wear oil-skins in the summer.
Remember the summer of 1976? Heat, sweltering in African temperatures? I rode
in oil skins otherwise I would have been buying jeans every week due to the
oil. Begone with you, oh, oily one.
The Honda CX500 came next although it rapidly
- after a few months - disappeared back into a showroom as it ate its camshaft followers
- much like many of the early models. In a perverted sort of way I really liked
it. The seat seemed enormous for the time and it was seriously comfortable and
I loved the burbling exhaust note. However, the seat and sound did not save it
from the inevitable part-exchange.
I pushed the CX500 in the front door and by
the back door of the showroom I appeared with one of the earlier R100RTs!
Funny how things work out as I now own a
similar bike again and plan to circle the world on it.
Being in various bands, for many years, this
bike was sold after a few years as I thought stardom was beckoning and I needed
to purchase equipment. The equipment was purchased and another GT750 was
installed in the garage at the same time from the money left over.
Stardom never happened but I had a hell of a
good time for years and years and I still rode motorcycles as well.
Thus I returned to the 750 triple fold
for many years from this point onwards.
One thing I have noticed as I have grown older
is that I no longer bounce when I hit the floor after doing something stupid on
a bike. I just sort of lay there groaning nowadays. Actually, it's more
like a whimper or a soft cat's meow.
Thus I have become more 'sensible' and more
calculating which has resulted from my body's inherent fragility due to
encroaching senility. No longer enormous wheelies (standing the bike on the
back wheel) and doughnuts (full power and spinning the bike in a circle while
leaving a burnt black circle with the tyre rubber).
Me, I stick to trying to survive nowadays. It
keeps me happy.........and alive.
Anyway, in a period of deep depression - in
the 1980s - during the Thatcher years of negative equity and 15% interest rates
things got difficult, as it did for many people.
I know there is talk of how it fundamentally
transformed England but from where I watched it truly was a difficult time. I
believe if you had money it was a good time but that wasn't me. I was so
broke by the end of the 80s that I even had to sell my bike to raise money for
Christmas presents in 1990.
It was to be several years before I could
afford to return to the fold but I did so eventually in 1994.
My first BMW was to be an R80ST and I kept
this bike for nearly 11 years and covered many happy miles with my thumping
twin. I was sad to see it go and I sold it through the new phenomenon of
eBay. I hope it is still thumping away with all of its customary reliability.
Never once did it let me down across many,
many thousands of miles and I was, more or less, converted to the agricultural
thump of the Bavarian Motor Works from that point onwards.
Then, one day in 2005, I saw my current bike in
the show room. I took off to Ireland on the R80ST and did nothing but think of it the whole
time. I was convinced it would have been sold by the time I got back two weeks
later.
First day back I went straight off to the shop
and, bingo, it was still for sale. It was £3000 - which was high. However, it
was IMMACULATE as if it had come straight out of the factory.
From that point I was lost.
It was destined to come home with me which it
promptly did - Honestly it just, sort of, followed me home like a puppy.
It is a R100RT dating from 1990.
Currently it has approximately 20,000 miles on
it. It is also - possibly - the bike which we will end up using for the
World Trip.
I say possibly as we do hope that one of the
major manufacturers will become involved in the Charity ride and offer us
something a little more recent! If the bike has to be a 18 year old one then so
be it. I will probably have to take a trailer full of tools and spares to keep
it going! Surprising what you can fix with Gaffa tape and cable ties!
I often think it would be really good to take
a bike back to the factory where it was built and meet the people who had made
it. I think Catherine would love that. It would be some distance to go for a
service if it was Japanese!
"How about a nice GS1200 BMW
Catherine?"
"Or would you like a nice Honda Varadero
or the new Triumph Tiger perhaps?"
"What's that?"
"You need a Gel Seat as your bum gets
sore?"
"We'll see what we can
do............"
If you have heard of 'Long Way Round' by Ewan
McGregor and Charlie Boorman then it is entirely possible that somebody may
give us a gel seat for Catherine.
There are several major differences between
Ewan and Charlie's trip and ours, however.
First of all, I am not as good looking as
Ewan. That may come as a shock I know. I'm also rubbish with a light
saber. Not too bad with a broom handle. Excellent with a mop ............. but
light saber ........... sorry.
The up side of our trip is Catherine.
She is much better looking than both of them!
If you ever read this guys, only joking (apart
from the previous point).
So it is that we really will, however,
be on our own. No back up vehicles. No minders looking after us. It will
be........
Just me, the bike and a blind woman called Catherine.